Greetings,

I hope wherever you are the summer weather is as beautiful as it is in Michigan. As the hazy days of summer quickly passes, here on the east coast we will be preparing for the frigid grey winter months much sooner than we hope for, so I savor summer.

Summer vacation can be a stressful time for single parents, just when you are into the sinc of things such as  the adjustments to childcare, single parents often find themselves wishing they could take a “real vacation” with their children.  Unless you are coming from a place of wealth finances of course, are always a challenging and often limiting factor.

My hope is that you realize there are many options for you that do not entail an airline ticket or Amtrak, and with just a little planning your children can have just as enjoyable a summer break close to home even on a limited budget.  How do I know this?  I did it, so I thought you might appreciate some ideas that you may not be aware of.

First, as I mentioned in an earlier blog before the school year ended, the earlier you plan the better the outcome and less stress for you.  Some options might be:  Ice skating-yes, ice skating!  Often on Saturday mornings I had my son and a couple of his friends at a local ice rink.  During off season there are often special discounts available for summer break; rollerskating:  some roller rinks have summer fun hour also geared towards summer break activities; petting zoos offer the opportunity for your child to further learn hands on of animal life. Often this might include actually petting various animals as well as riding a pony!  Camping: even if it’s for just one night, consider getting a small group of other parents together to go to a local campground to “rough it” in nature for just one night.  You won’t believe the experience it will bring to both you and your child.  And don’t forget about the beach!  That can be a weekly visit your child will never tire of. Feeling the natural earth, making sand castles, watching their footprints disappear into the earth as the waves wash them away, each of these is life renewing to both you as a parent as well as your child.

These activities are with minimal cost and some such as petting zoos might not have a fee at all and the benefits will far exceed any cost you might have.  So start planning, and please let me know some of the activities you are taking advantage of this summer, I would LOVE to hear!

As for me, this week I’m in for a few days and I am headed to the beach, I hope to see you there!

Peace~

One of the most difficult decisions I have made in my life was the decision to divorce with a young child.  As I reflect back I have an even deeper understanding of the soul searching, not to mention the courage it took.  Regardless of the differences that contributed to the dissolution of my marriage, my former husband is still our son’s father.  Committed to this awareness, it was important to me to not lose sight of that very important fact, and I made a personal commitment to ensure I would do all I reasonably could to make certain our son had the love of his father in his life.  To have done anything less I would have become the architect of a barrier I would never have wanted to live with.

Reflecting back over that time in my life has caused me to understand why this was so important to me. I realized it was never about me, it was about our son and I knew I owed him that.  You see, whether a child grows up within the confines of a unhappy and combative two parent home (and many do), or a healthy single parent home the child can only be a victim of those circumstances because the formulation of that environment was not their’s. So, as I discuss in “Single AndApParent“, it is my belief parents owe their children, and a part of that debt is a positive relationship with their other half IF at all possible and IF that person is safe.

Self reflection of the importance of this to me goes back to the first male love I ever and forever will have, the first male protector and teacher, and male role model to this very day as to what a man truly is, and that is my late father.  His strength, character, wisdom, depth of love, commitment, and so many other positive and healthy attributes are etched within the very fiber of who I am and what constitutes a true man to me to this very day.  Was he perfect?  Of course not, but that was never my role to discern as I can only look through a child’s eyes even though I am an adult.  But where he was perfect in my eyes was his love as a father and influence in my life as a result of that.  For the most part I have to honestly say the “poor guys I’ve dated”,  as my dad set the bar very high!

My adult conversations with him encompassed mostly everything including “who not to date, what not to date, and even intimacy.” I was extremely close to both of my precious parents, and  I am forever thankful to have had such a healthy father/daughter relationship.

Unfortunately for me and my son, my dad passed on to the next dimension several years ago, and the void is still almost unbearable at times.  I guess it’ll always be this way.

Tomorrow is designated as Father’s Day and I will for certain be fighting my feelings of sadness in the pain of not having him here in the manner in which I became accustomed to. Fathers have purpose and they give a child a greater sense of themselves.

As I write this it is not with the absence of knowledge of broken and bitter relationships with a child’s father. As I’ve previously said as a single mother it is not always easy to build that bridge, but it can be done. I am proof it can be done.

As long as he is a safe person regardless of the wedge between you, reach out to him and keep reaching out to bridge that gap.  If a father is not as involved as society thinks he should is it really because he chooses not to be, or could there be circumstances beyond his control which makes it difficult for him to fully demonstrate what is in his heart?  And don’t forget the importance of honest self-reflection as to how you  may have knowingly or otherwise, contributed to those circumstances.  There is no substitute for that degree of honest self-reflection.

Whomever the positive father figure is in your child’s life, I hope his day will be extra special on Father’s Day as he deserves that.

If you and your child’s father are not quite there as I have previously said, take the “higher road.”Allow him to spend time with your child if you can, there’s not a man out there who is not going to contribute to the welfare of  a child they love so work it out between the two of you.  It might take a little time but I promise you it can be done and it will be worth it.

I am thankful my son will be spending Father’s Day with his dad after all, he’s his other half.  It will be worth it.

Please share any thoughts, questions, and what your plans are for Father’s Day~

Peace.

Greetings,

Really ask yourself, can you believe this school year is over?  In spite of some challenges did it seem to fly by to you?  Even though my son is an adult now I have two little adorable neighbor girls whom I am watching grow up so very quickly right before my eyes!

That’s how I felt with my son, from Kindergarten through 11th grade it truly was a “blink!”  In spite of everything from, missing homework, tardies, conferences, advisory board meetings, driver’s education, prom, to graduation preparation, I do not exaggerate when I say it was a “blink.”

If you’re like most single parents summer vacation poses a new set of challenges.  You want to keep your child on track for learning yet want them to feel some degree of “ease” from their accomplishment of successfully completing yet another school year.  If your child just completed Kindergarten that too is a milestone.

It was so important to me to keep my son reading and learning over the summer months, and because I always worked full time to do so required early planning.  I thought to offer some suggestions that might help you through this maze.

First, solicit input from your child’s school mainly principal’s office. That is a great place to start because they usually readily have information available on summer learning programs. Also solicit information from your child’s school family life educator or social worker who should also be able to assist you.

Another great resource I cannot say enough about is your community library. I cannot over emphasize the value of your community library. It is a gem that offers wonderful opportunities for kids of all ages but you may not know of them if you do not inquire.

If your community has a community education program office they too serve as a source of valuable information from swim classes to various other recreational opportunities. Your local YMCA or YWCA  is another excellent resource offering day camps to summer camps.  Each of these resources have been known for quality, safety, and affordability. I hope you find this meaningful as you plan ahead for summer.

I would love to hear some of the plans you have for summer break as well as what some of your challenges are so please ask and share. This blog is for you.

As the school year comes to a close and you make your plans for summer of 2017, don’t forget to breathe~

Peace.

Your first love, your first comforter, your first protector your first heartbeat, your first nurturer, your first touch, your first everything………was your mother.

As we honor Mother’s Day weekend I feel it is important to realize the priceless gift in our lives a loving mother is.  What use to be a day I welcomed is now a day I struggle with. You see, I lost my beloved and precious mother six years ago so this will mark my sixth Mother’s Day without her. Believe me when I say she left a void that can never be fulfilled. I am grateful beyond measure for every single day I heard her voice which was indeed every day. I couldn’t wait to talk to my mom to laugh and share how our days went.  I unknowingly tucked those weekly precious face to face visits and daily conversations forever in my heart and I now realize it’s like I knew they would help get me through the many countless hours of loneliness and void, her not being physically here has left in my life.

If you are fortunate to have a loving mother or mother figure in your life, love her deeply and cherish every single moment as one day you will come to realize how priceless those times were, how priceless she was.  As a single parent I am also so very thankful for the memories my precious son has of his grandmother resulting from the many hours he spent with her over the years. He too misses her so very much, but again those memories can somehow force the heart to smile when it feels otherwise, the very memories that are also etched in his heart.

If your relationship with your mother is estranged for reasons other than abuse, I hope you can find a way to realize the importance of doing your very best to find your way back to her. Remember, she did not have all the answers no more than we do and was probably trying to do her very best. You see, that’s the thing about parenting, there is no perfect parent, we simply put forth our best while hoping and praying for a positive outcome. This is what any parent who loves their child will do.

What is most important to remember is whatever your differences or conflict may be, if she lovingly cared for you one day you will not be able to see her or talk with her in the manner you can now, and I promise you will miss her and wish you could have that chance again.

I also hope you will do something special for yourself this Mother’s Day.  Have you thought of your child’s father or father figure giving you a day all to yourself to do whatever you choose or can afford to do?  Consider that option if not, it’s a “win/win”, and you know how much l LOVE “win/wins!”  Whatever you do, I hope it is very special for you.

Please share what you plan on doing for yourself this Mother’s Day.  I’d love to hear from you!

Wishing you love, and peace~

Greetings,

The  phrase “supervised parenting” is a term you may or may not be familiar with, so let me take a couple of minutes to explain. Sometimes biological parents struggle with arranging parenting time for the non physical custodial parent.  If this is the case, unfortunately it can result in conflict.  It is always best for everyone if the two parties can make safe and reasonable arrangements between themselves. To do so results in a more positive relationship between both parents.

In many instances, however, this is not the case resulting in parents simply needing a little assistance with the process, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.  We must realize relationships can cease for many reasons, but if children are involved there are suddenly what I will refer to as “temporary lasting ties.”  What I mean by this is there is a varrying ongoing relationship with the other biological parent that takes on more of a business interaction.  Again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

If the two parties involved cannot agree to reasonable visitation for the non physical custodial parent, that’s when things can get a little tricky. The couple may reach a stalemate. This is where supervised visitation can assist you.  As a supervised parenting monitor I assist parents to ensure the other parent has visits with their child.  My role is to simply accompany the non custodial parent on their visit to ensure a healthy outcome for the child.

Are you having difficulty connecting with your child’s custodial parent for quality time with your child?  If so, there are resources that can assist you. I would suggest by starting with your school’s family life educator or social worker. Both can point you in the right direction for further assistance.  The most important thing is to act in the best interest of the child. As long as the child is safe he or she wants and needs to spend time with their other parent whether or not you want to realize it, they simply do.  While raising my son we worked out our weekends, spring breaks, and holidays. If there was ever a conflict, we simply worked that out also between ourselves.  It would have been unnatural for me to be any other way because I always felt our son deserved to have a relationship with his father regardless of our personal differences. 

I hope this helps to provide some insight and direction in arranging visitation if you need it.  Remember, your child deserves to know, spend time with, and love the other parent as long as they are safe. In the end, everyone will win.

Do you have a question or issue regarding visitation?  Please ask on this page.

Until next time, don’t forget to breathe~

Greetings,

A little trivia, do you know what the following have in common?  The mailbox, the shoe machine, shoes, washing machine, rotary engine, light bulb, traffic light, blood plasma, hair comb, mop, refrigerator, refrigerant, dustpan, gas mask, ironing board, lawn sprinkler, street sweeper, touch tone phone, cell phone.  I could go on, and on but for the sake of time of course, that is not possible.

These items are just a hint of the literally countless inventions by African Americans!  Were you aware?

In 1976 due to the tireless effort of  historian Dr. Carter G. Woodson, the month of February was designated the celebration of Black History Month.  As an educator it is important we recognize the incalculable contributions people of African descent have made as it is the very foundation of what we know as civilization today.  With this awareness, Black History month is every day.

As parents regardless of ethnicity or race, teaching our children truth lays the foundation for both respect and understanding of others.  It is critically important most especially due to the current social conditions of our country, to teach our children honest and truthful facts. Truths and facts foster admiration and respect, which results in a greater understanding and appreciation of others.

So, if you have not yet done so, consider starting this month to introduce your children and perhaps yourself, to some of the many amazing inventions by black Americans. What is intriguing even to me as I too continue to learn, is how we literally touch in some way, shape, or form these inventions on a daily basis without any knowledge they are inventions by black Americans.

Why does it matter?  It matters because most curriculum in the majority of schools today omit these facts therefore painting a false narrative which allows people of color in particular, to be exempt from such major contributions. To do so intentionally or otherwise, sends a false message of both superiority of some and inferiority of others.

I hope you take the time to learn right along with your children as you educate them. As my book says, we as parents are our child’s first teacher and teaching begins at home. So, grab a book on black inventors and take it to your child’s school to share with the teacher and request they share the information with your child’s class. That is what a good education is about, teaching truthful facts as we mold young people so that they can contribute in a positive and productive manner to our society.  Remember, our children are the blueprints of tomorrow and we as parents are the architects.

So grab that book on black inventors as you snack on my favorite potato chips (also invented by an African American!), and enjoy these opportunities of learning with your child!

Please share how you are celebrating Black History month!

Until next time, breathe….and happy reading~

Greetings!

Today we give honor in celebrating the life, teachings, sacrifices, and legacy of the late Dr Martin Luther King Jr.  As I reflect over this past year particularly the presidential campaign, I am forced to realize how far we have come as a nation, yet how very far we have yet to go if we as a nation and as a people are to live up to the crede of humaneness itself.

As I just listened to one of Dr. King’s speeches I had to realize we appear to be losing ground as a nation in the areas of respect for one another, love for one another, a willingness to empathize with and assist one another, historical truths, and equality.  As much as I would LOVE to paint a “softer” picture right now, it would not be accurate nor honest of me to do so.

We have witnessed the questioning of the legitimacy of our first Black president as the entire world observed this shame and realized the reason for it. We muddled through twelve months of an unprecedented presidential campaign consisting of the most vile rhetoric towards women, Muslims, Hispanics, and African Americans never before in our presidential campaign history.  We witnessed painful mockery of a physically challenged journalist.  We witnessed painful ongoing assaults of Indigenous people of Standing Rock unarmed, as they looked down the barrels of assault weapons by law enforcement officers clad in full military gear because they were painfully and rightfully protesting their right to clean GOD given water.

I, of course do not know how you are spending your day today in honor of Dr. King. Perhaps before the day is over you will read a children’s book about his life to your children and discuss, perhaps you will watch a video of one of his deeply moving speeches and discuss, perhaps you will have conversation with your children regarding this incredible human being and his meaningful life that was quickly and tragically taken from him.  Perhaps you will not do anything at all.

In my book “Single and ApParent” I share how the privilege of parenting allows us to mold a precious life into the type of person who will contribute positively to society. Teaching our children about differences in a healthy and honest manner is the only way they can learn about other people and other cultures. Teaching respect for others and how to treat others by their actions, their words, and kindness.  Each of these qualities is a great place to start.

As parents, I hope you take a few minutes to reflect upon these thoughts as each of us have a role to play in the health of our society.  Remember, WE are the model our children see the most, and what is “taught” through what we model will shape the outcome of of the sculpture we create.

Rest In Peace Dr. King~

Greetings!

As unbelievable as it seems to me the 2016 holiday season has all but gone, and where I live on the east coast we are two hours from the verge of New Year’s Eve!

Like many of you, I have been reflecting over this past year as I always do as the old year comes to a close. I give thanks to a Higher Power for the love and protection that has followed me and those I love through another year.

2016 was bitter sweet with the tragic loss of several icons such as Prince, to David Bowie, to George Michael, to Carrie Fisher and more all gone way too soon. Another reminder of how short, unpredictable, and precious life really is.

Then there was the most unorthodox presidential campaign of our history which not only drastically divided our nation, but also lessened us as a nation and whose end results have placed us beneath the breadth of civility. We now prepare for assaults on basic human rights most Americans fear are yet to come.

As we approach the new year it might be difficult to think of it as a new beginning, but we must not only for our sake, but for the sake of our children. In whatever way we can we must keep our spirit fed as a diminished spirit is a defeated person. As hard as it might seem at times, we cannot allow that to happen.

Forgiveness of those who should love you but rather have hurt you does not dismiss the unfortunate actions they will have to answer for, but rather frees you for greater happiness, so do your best to “let it” go.  And what about the “other parent?”  Again, if he or she is a safe person what a perfect time to extend a bridge for them to be a greater part of your child’s life. Regardless of your feelings towards the other parent, the child is a part of the both of you so try to extend your gesture from that place of awareness. Don’t mislead yourself in believing it does not matter to your child because it does.  They yearn for that love.  I am sure that “other parent” wants to be a greater part of your child’s life, but they just might not quite know how to make that happen so as I always say, take the “higher road”, you won’t regret it.

As we begin the countdown to 2017 think of your blessings and ask your children about their blessings.

If you-like me, LOVE the thought of being at the “party of parties” on New Years Eve why not!  If you would rather see the old year out in a more subdued manner with those you love why not!  And if you would rather sleep it in, that’s ok too.  Whatever you choose to do remember to look at the faces of your children and express your love for them and gratefulness for their life.

Breathe….as we welcome in 2017.

All the best!!

Greetings,

Today is the designated day Americans celebrate Thanksgiving.  Personally, to me thanksgiving is everyday. As a single parent I know all too well the many challenges we carry from day to day from finances, to “who do I call if this breaks?”  It is a daily challenge indeed. Now we embark upon the holiday season and what I want to stress is that you maintain a healthy perspective and avoid getting caught up in the moment causing you to lose perspective.

What made the designated day of “Thanksgiving” different while raising my son was a long weekend and as a result a more festive dinner was prepared just to foster a different “feel” within our home. This was one of our traditions. My love for cooking, baking, and just being a mom with my adorable son made everything feel even more special. When my now late mother moved to the state I live in, the holidays had a whole new meaning because she was always with us, and we were always with her! As a result, my son had the honor of absorbing the richness of stories that she would share with him and of course, her mere presence at our festive meals made it even more meaningful. I/we miss her beyond measure.

My hope for you this Thanksgiving is that you keep things in perspective, maintain your budget so you do not overspend, and just enjoy a good meal and storytelling with those you love. As you assemble around the table ask your child to share one thing they are thankful for. This is a precious opportunity to share, learn, teach, and love even more deeply as a family. So, savor the delicious smells from the kitchen and hug each other more closely.

Happy Thanksgiving!