Greetings,

Have you ever stopped to digest the sight of your child walking into school in the morning regardless of their age, and took a few seconds to really decipher the very message of that realization?  One message that was clear to me while raising my son was I was releasing him to others in the hope of further cultivating his “traditional” education.  It is with the utmost awareness I use the word “further” with the realization WE as parents are a child’s first teacher.

From pre-school, kindergarten, and all throughout high school “strangers” are in a leadership position to significantly influence what your child learns about history in particular, how your child views society, and most importantly how they view themselves.  With this awareness, I could never imagine sending my son into a school classroom without knowing his teachers.  Visiting my son’s school and classroom at least once a month was just a normal part of his formative years. I expected it, my son immediately grew accustomed to it, his principals knew it as did his teachers.

I needed to get a feel for his daily environment, his teacher’s mannerism and classroom environment, as well as the subtle messages my son was surrounded with everyday from racially inclusive classroom books and materials to diversity of the school staff.  I knew each sent a message, a very strong message.

So I ask you to give thought to this question if you have not already done so.  If you are a parent of color in particular, does the school your child attends consist of educators of color?  Does the family life educator or social worker at your child’s school reflect them?  And if there are educators of color within your child’s school are the numbers reflective of the student body make up?  I certainly hope so but unfortunately would not be surprised if this is not the case.

If the answer is unequivocally “no” there is much you can do, and much you should do right now!  Start by contacting the administrative office of your child’s school district and make an appointment to speak with the Superintendent to express your concerns.  If you can garner support from other parents regarding your concerns all the better to go as a group. Believe it or not, the district might not even realize what they are presenting is a concern.

Next, pull together other parents and regularly attend school board meetings.  If you can’t find others to accompany you, go yourself.  It doesn’t matter, at least one voice is “A” voice.  Express your concerns and request the district act upon your concerns for the best interest of your child and all children in this increasingly global society. It is critically important your child sees their faces reflected in those who stand before them in the classroom to influence their minds.  Anything less is against the betterment of your child and their education.

I welcome any questions or comments.

Peace~

Greetings,

Recently in recognition of Black History month /(year), I have had the opportunity to speak to elementary and middle school students about some of the countless significant contributions of Black Americans.  Regardless of the school’s ethnic composition, location, or grade level the looks on their faces as I shared knowledge of Black inventors were priceless!

Visiting these schools provided me the opportunity to observe individual classrooms which included the selection of books readily available for children to read during their silent reading time.  As you would know if you have read “Single And ApParent” reading to your child is one of the most important steps a parent can take to encourage their child’s overall emotional growth and development.  As their brain is being stimulated through this activity they are absorbing far more than science can determine. Skills such as word familiarization, formation of proper sentences, phonics, pronunciation, and much more.

It is critically important for parents, particularly parents of color to ensure there are books in their child’s classroom that depict what their child looks like. Books with people of color on the cover are extremely important for the healthy emotional development of not only your child, but all children.

So please visit your child’s classroom and take a look at the choices your child has available to them.  You will probably find many books but you need to keep in mind the question, “do any of these covers reflect my child?”  In addition, is the selection of books something your child would be interested in reading?  If the answer is “no” to both questions, I urge you to have a conversation with your child’s teacher/teacher’s regarding your observation and go a step further by purchasing and donating a couple of books on your own.  I did this throughout my son’s education and each teacher he had was welcoming of my concerns and my effort to make his learning environment as racially inclusive as possible.

Remember, YOU are your child’s first teacher, and it is a parent’s responsibility to be very familiar with the classrooms your child attends.  So I hope you make it a priority this week to drop in, take a look, and donate a couple of self reflecting books if necessary.  Your child will be ever so grateful and I’ll bet your child’s teachers will too.

Let me know how your child’s school bookshelf  looks!

Peace~

Hello Everyone,

As you know, my blog page has been inoperable since November of last year, and the mere words “missing you” do not begin to capture both my sadness and disappointment of not being able to fully connect with you over these past few months. From the absence of Happy Holiday wishes, to providing you with a place to ask questions, express parenting concerns, or simply sharing information with you each has not been possible on this blog page. I am especially thankful for Facebook and for those of you who follow me there as at least it has provided me some degree of an avenue of accessibility to you over these past few month.

It is my utmost hope we are now up and running for good now, that’s certainly my plan. But if for some unforeseen reason this site malfunctions again, please know you can still reach me on my Facebook Page.

Now, I would love to hear how you are, any parenting or relationship issues you are struggling with, and or any concerns you may have so let me know!

We’re back together!

Peace~

Greetings!

Today, officially known throughout America as Thanksgiving Day, commemorates the beginning of what is designated the holiday season.  Recognizing individual preferences, differences, and beliefs, I thought to share some thoughts on what gratitude means to me.

As a single parent who can now reflect back on what is known as the “Developmental Years”, in spite of how challenging the navigation of  the endless responsibilities were, I always find myself greeting those memories with a smile rather than a frown.  With laughter rather than sorrow except for the loss of my precious mom and dad, and with hope rather than doom.  To me and for me, this is gratitude.

Giving thanks is a daily devotion for me which I greet and embrace with the same vigor as I do hope.  I enjoy preparing a large festive feast for family and friends even though physical distance between my family continues to be a challenge. The matriarchial wisdom of elders has dwindled every year as precious elders and the library of their essence leave the physical realm.  This saddens me as I’ve grown closer to my remaining elders since the loss of both of my precious parents of whom I was extremely close to.

For the past fifteen years there was not a single holiday where my mother’s presence was absent.  She always sat at her designated place of honor as my son was taught, and understood how and why her presence was to always be honored and respected.  From being the first to be served to leading in prayer, it was important for me to teach him proper honor and respect of her.

Although this is our sixth holiday season without her, I still find myself looking at the “Right of Passage” serving line and seeing/feeling my mother’s absence and presence.  My son and I miss her beyond what words can describe and in these moments of sadness and loss, I still find gratefulness. Thanks that of all the arms I could have been placed in at birth, it was DC’s and Nel’s who enfolded me until they both took their last breaths of life.  They were love then, and they are love within my son and me today.

So as you gather whether with friends, family, or alone, take a few minutes to reflect upon your life. Where you have been, what you have struggled through, hurt through, loved through, fought through, forgave through, or healed through and I’m sure you will find at least one thing to be thankful for not on one specific day, but everyday.

I would love to hear from my followers what this time of year means to you regardless of tradition.  Would you share and let me know?

Gratitude.

Happy Holidays.

Greetings,

Over the past few weeks I have had the opportunity and pleasure to visit several middle schools. The last time I was in an elementary school was when I would “pop” in to check on my two precious nephews just to get a feel for how things were going.  If you have read my book you know the importance of parental involvement, and the most important way to ensure this begins with your presence.  I was looking forward to the invitations!

What an experience this was and although I consider myself quite “versed” on being and staying current regarding societies trends, I can’t say I was fully prepared for the awakening I experienced in some of the classrooms I visited which prompts me to ask the question, what are you dropping off at school in the mornings?

Is you child rested?  Is your child clean and groomed?  Is your child prepared with the proper clothing and very basic supplies necessary to successfully get through their day such as pencils, erasers, folders/binders, and the homework the teachers assigned and are expecting?  Do they have lunch or lunch money?  Of equal if not more importance, are they bringing manners with them?  Basic manners such as respect for themselves, respect for every teacher they encounter regardless if they are a regular teacher or substitute teacher?  Are they being taught proper manners and conduct at home?  Are they being taught respect for authority?  Are they being talked to about the proper way to conduct themselves from the hallways to the classroom?

I ask these questions because unfortunately I witnessed far too many instances of the opposite of what I have defined.  I witnessed levels of disrespect for educators unlike what I have ever experienced and the older the students, the worse the behaviors which causes me to question, “what is going on at home?”  Mannerisms, whether good or bad, are shaped at home.

Within seconds I could tell which students were positive leaders within the classroom and those who were not.

The one thing parents cannot afford to do is to allow their child to be on a fast track to academic behavioral issues. “Labels” unfortunately are real, and they often will follow a young child throughout their school years.

I urge you as parents to be aware of your child’s school and classroom conduct and there are only three ways you can be aware. One, by showing up at the school to observe for yourself.  Two, by simply asking your child’s teachers, and three, by asking your child.

When was the last time your gave thought to what you are modeling and teaching your child at home?  When was the last time you had a conversation with your child about how they act during school and in the classroom?  When was the last time you asked your child’s teachers about their conduct?

What are you dropping off at school?

Peace.

Greetings!

October has been designated as Domestic Violence Awareness Month, so I would like to take a few  minutes to talk to you regarding the dangers and harm of abuse.

When I was studying for my undergraduate degree it was required that all students complete a 250 plus hour practicum, which would allow for hands on experience in the field of social science.  Due to my full time employment as a single parent I knew the only way I could fulfill that requirement was through an agency that was open 24 hours, seven days per week.  Thus began my thought process of what type of agency that might be and a domestic violence safe house occurred to me.

Upon my exploring the appropriate channels to locate one I readily did, and with limited knowledge of domestic violence my internship began.  I was both curious and intrigued about my choice which turned out to be an extremely meaningful experience in every way.

When we think of domestic violence we often exclusively think a woman is the sole victim, but it may surprise you to know men can also be victims of this type of assault on one’s dignity.  Just as there are safe houses for women, are you aware there are also safe houses for men?

Domestic violence is classified as both physical as well as emotional or what’s also referred to as emotional abuse, and it is important to realize domestic violence affects more than the person who is on the receiving end of such acts most especially children, the elderly, and other loved ones who witness or are aware of such unacceptable, disrespectful, and violent behavior.

As single parents it is imperative that you know what some of the signs of an abuser look like. For example, he OR she might at first appear extremely charming while at the same time showing signs of control, they often change their behaviors in front of your friends or family, they gradually isolate you from friends or family members, they constantly “check upon you” when you are not present to ensure your whereabouts, they are often excessively jealous or possessive, they often possess a very “short fuse’ or quick temper, they often use vulgar language in your presence or sometimes in the presence of your friends or family members.

If these traits remind you of anyone you are involved with a major ALARM should sound right not.  My advice to you is simply, GET OUT.  It will NOT change, he or she will NOT change.  Remember what I say in my book “Single And ApParent”, you OWE your child a safe and stable environment, and there is absolutely no place in a safe and stable environment for any form of abuse whether physical, verbal, or emotional.

I will leave you with a very impactful slogan I learned the very first day of my undergraduate internship, “once a victim…twice a volunteer.”

If you need further support, contact the National Domestic Violence hotline at: 800-799-2233 (SAFE).

I always welcome and value your questions or comments.  Be safe.

Peace.

Greetings Moms and Dads!

The end of the school year, weather going from warm to hot and humid, full vegetation including flowering plants, skunks, mosquitoes, longer hazy days, the sound of neighborhood ice-cream trucks, camping, and of course one of my top favorite things to do, the beach.  What in particular comes to mind as your think of each of these?  The start of summer, right?  As quickly as it came it has passed.

Labor Day signifies the official end of summer and the beginning of fall and a new school year.  All children in America will officially start school this week if they have not already started.  To me, it seems like just a couple of weeks ago I was talking to you about preparations most single parents have to make at the end of every school year.  Summer break requires readjustments of family life mainly due to childcare arrangements, as well as meaningful activities for our children.  Whatever you did, I hope reading was a daily part of your child’s routine.

Now that school has begun I want to remind all of my single mothers and fathers of the importance of  your involvement in your child’s education.  I cannot stress the importance of this action enough for the success of your child’s education and learning experience.

Do you have an “action plan”, a list of priorities to increase the likelihood of a positive outcome this new school year?  If not, I thought you might like some ideas to help get you started.  Here are some thoughts for a good action plan:

!.  On the first day of school if at all possible both parents arrive at school, remember, get the “other parent” involved as much as possible as long as he or she is a safe person.

2. On the first day of school make it a point to personally meet your child’s teacher/teachers.  If your child has multiple teachers it might not be possible to meet each of them on the first day, so let that be your goal by the weeks end. Perhaps you can divided it up if there are for example 4 teachers, each parent can meet 2 that first day.  However you do it, try to work it out. The more involved the other parent can be I can almost assure you they will be, and that results in a “win/win” for everyone!

3.  Go straight to the principal’s office to see what the school’s needs and opportunities are for your involvement. Duties such as homeroom mom, parent advisory board, parent booster, playground volunteer, crossing guard, field trip monitor, field trip driver, teacher’s helper.  There are so many needs and your child as well as the school will benefit, so it is critically important you make your interest known and follow up and follow through.

Regardless of your child’s grade level, the need and value for your involvement never changes. In spite of full time work the entire while my son began school, I was homeroom mom through grade 8. When he started high school I was asked by the principal to serve on the parent advisory council which I readily accepted even though I was not fully aware of what that commitment meant.  I served on this counsel throughout my son’s entire junior high through high school years and never missed a meeting.

The friendships you make will be personally meaningful to you, and the satisfaction you derive from knowing your presence was known and felt is priceless.  Your presence lets your child’s teachers know you are involved in your child’s education, and that you want to know what they are being taught and how they are being cared for.  As I say in “Single And ApParent”, how can you know if you are never there?  In addition, it sends an ongoing message to your child about how important he or she is to you.

Do you have any worries or concerns about this new school year?  If so, I hope you share those thoughts here. Please remember this blog is for YOU and your comments and questions are both needed and welcomed!

I hope your child read a lot this summer, and I hope this will be a wonderful school year for each of you.

“Goodbye summer, and hello fall!

Peace.

Greetings,

Are you having a good summer?  I surely hope so!

Some single moms and dads might have a son or daughter who is quickly approaching what is referred to as Puberty.  Puberty marks a major milestone in a child’s life as their body begins PHYSICAL preparation for the capability of reproduction.  It is another precious stage of development that signifies the beginning of a child’s gradual transition into adulthood.

Of course we know it will take some years before they mentally mature into what society considers an adult today. However, the physical preparation slowly begins so I thought I would take a few minutes to talk about this important stage of development.

The approximate age range children start showing signs of adolescents or puberty today is approximately 8-13, although it can begin earlier mainly due to additives and growth hormones in our food source.  Some noticeable physical symptoms are: underarm and pubic hair, breast development in girls, the deepening of voice in boys, facial hair in boys, and acne in both boys and girls.  One unique sign of puberty in girls that removes all doubt as to whether or not a young girl is entering this phase of development is the onset of menstruation.

These physical stages require specific changes in hygiene.  For example prior to puberty the need for deodorant may not have been necessary due to lower levels of hormones, but when puberty begins that immediately changes, so teaching proper bathing is especially important.

Considering the physical and mental changes that occur during this time it is critically important parents talk with their child regarding this new milestone. With this awareness, parents should begin mental preparation to ensure this topic of conversation takes place so that the child can be better prepared for the actual arrival of that special day.

Let them know it is healthy, normal, and extremely special!  Many culture have what is referred to as  “Coming of Age” celebrations to commemorate this transition in development.  It should be celebrated!  So, if you have not had “that talk’ plan for a time when you will if not today. You don’t want puberty to arrive before your conversation does.

There are many age appropriate books available that would be the perfect conversation starter if needed.  In addition, it can serve as a keepsake for your child to reference.  What is most important is that your child feels comfortable in talking with you, and they have some degree of understanding of  the forthcoming changes.

With a little pre thinking I am confident you will enjoy this discussion with your child as much as I did with my son and by the way, keep communication flowing to ensure the conversation never stops.

Have you talked with your child regarding puberty?  Was it an easy conversation?  What did your child find most meaningful?  Please let us know, this blog is for YOU so please interact and share experiences.

Questions and comments are always welcome.

Don’t forget to breathe~

Peace.

Greetings!

This is the perfect time of year for water fun wherever you live. Whether it is the beach, oceanfront, family or community swimming pool, there is something special about swimming whether we can swim or not!   So, I want to both remind as well as educate parents as to the importance of basic water safety awareness.

Think of it like this, the more you know, the safer and bigger the splash!

What is your favorite thing to do at the beach?  We would love to hear from you!

Enjoy your dip!

Peace