Greetings,

As parents we are inherently protective of our children and parenting a special needs child requires additional attention in ways that might seem unfamiliar to most.  Teaching any child to swim causes some degree of anxiety for most any parent, but have you thought about how having a special needs child increases this anxiety?

It’s summer, and being around water whether it is a community pool, your own back yard pool, or the lake is simply a part of summer fun.

If you have a child with autism, on a daily basis your journey consists of connecting in “their world” the very best way you can simply by trial and error.  As your hands on experiences have shown, you never know who, when, and where you might have that major breakthrough in relatability, and properly supervised swimming just might be another tool in that process.  I thought this video might bring inspiration.

If you have a special needs child who has benefitted from water therapy let me know!  Please share your story because you never know who you will help and support by doing so and that’s what we are here to do!

Peace~

Greetings,

I am relieved to be able to communicate with you this evening. As you might recall from the past I have recently once again had difficulty accessing my blog page which always saddens me. Please accept my apologies.

Over the past few weeks I have had several topics I wanted to talk about which I will as we move ahead. However, I would also love to hear from you regarding topics you would also like discussed. So take a few minutes to let me know or you can always privately inbox me as many of you have previously done.

For those of you who have read “Single And ApParent” you already realize the importance of maintaining your health as well the health of your child. It is important to realize when I speak of overall health I am  also including mental health.  Recent data continues to reflect an ongoing increase in suicide amongst adolescents which should be a public outcry. With this awareness, when was the last time you talked with your child about any concerns they might be quietly trying to process or manage in their life?  Of course it is both necessary, natural, and healthy for a child to develop positive and effective problem solving skills which are simply a necessity in life.  However, if we take a few minutes to think off all of the negative events happening within society on a daily basis, parents must realize not only can children not be protected from all of it, but it is also negatively affecting them.

Moving forward with this awareness I urge parents to sit down with their child/children on a weekly basis to have what I call a mental health moment of conversation.  Doing so will help prepare them to better cope and you might be surprised at what they tell you.

So, open that door for conversation and keep it open and remember what I say in my book, one of the most effective communication skills a person can have, is that of listening.

Please share some of what you learned from having these conversations with your child, I would love to hear!

Peace~

Greetings!

Throughout my book one of several important themes you will hear is the important role your child’s other biological parent plays in the overall psychological development and wellness of your child. To deny this  important role is not only self-deceptive, but also emotionally damaging to any child.  This is not to imply a child cannot achieve academically, professionally, and socially without that important relationship because they certainly can.  However, studies indicate even in such cases the child will likely carry emotional baggage due to the absence of that relationship. Case studies indicate the exception might be where the mother marries and her spouse becomes the father figure in that child’s life.

As you know there are variables as to how single parent families are created. Divorce, the death of a spouse, adoption, and out of wedlock births pretty much completes the circle. If I’m missing something by all means let me know!  Regardless of the reasons, it is in the best interest of the child when there is participation and recognition of the child’s other biological parent provided that person is safe.

As a divorced single mother as I have previously shared with you, I realize the effort it has taken to have and maintain a respectful and amicable relationship with my son’s father.  Was it always easy? No. Did/does it require ongoing work, effort, forgiveness, patience, understanding and acceptance?  Yes. Was it worth it?  Absolutely!  Who wins?  Each of us do.

I have never met a father who did not want to be a part of his child’s life, never, in spite of disparaging stigma that suggests otherwise. More than likely if someone “thinks” they know of an exception to this rest assured more so than not there are hidden truths and facts missing from such judgement. In defense of dads NEVER rush to judgement.

My beloved father transitioned from this life over twenty years ago and for me to share with you I think of him every single day of my life is not at all an exaggeration.  Although my parents were married I can’t imagine not knowing him after all, he is my other half. I see a reflection of him every time I look in the mirror.

I applaud all single fathers who are positive examples in their child’s life and if your child’s biological father isn’t quite there I ask you to make certain your are allowing him the opportunity to be. Whatever your differences work it out between the two of you beginning with honest and healthy communication. I am proof it can be done and I am thankful to know other single parents who have done the same.  Children grow up quickly, and in search of their identity they will seek the truth themselves regardless of what they have been told.

Today our son is spending the day with his dad who is there for him twenty-eight hours out of a day.  I am grateful to my former spouse and thankful for the sacrifices made in order for our son to feel and know the love of a father.

If you struggle in your relationship with your child’s biological parent let me know.

Happy Father’s Day!

Peace~

Greetings!

I would really like to hear from you on any topic and of course this question.  Does it seem as though the school year flew by to you, or did it seem like a normal pace?  To me, I feel it passed by quickly!  Either way, one thing we know for sure and that is your child is growing up.

Over the next couple of months you will see further evidence of this regardless of their age. If you have a pre-teen male you might notice a deepening of the voice and he might begin to experience an occasional “wet dream”. If you have a pre-teen daughter you might notice more apparent physical changes such as the budding of breasts, she might begin her menstrual cycle if she hasn’t already done so, and acne might be increasingly apparent in both boys and girls.  I want to remind you each of these are completely normal changes in the stages of development and pre-teens need to hear that from their parents or loving adults. Considering, one question I need to ask is have you talked with your child regarding these normal changes so they might have some idea of what to expect when they take place?  Hopefully so but if not, please make it a priority to do so. This way regardless of the physical changes they experience your child will not be blind sighted. You might even find they would like to have such conversation with you but might not feel completely comfortable approaching the topic themselves. So “step up” moms and dads and break the ice! It’s a wonderful opportunity for further bonding.

As you have “the talk” don’t forget to discuss proper bathing and hygiene necessary to address these physiological changes.  Think about it, perhaps they will be introduced to deodorant for the first time as underarm and pubic hair replaces what use to be barren.

Here on our blog we will continue to discuss many different topics around parenting and relationships after all, we are on this journey together!

Let me know your thoughts and questions, this blog is for you.

Peace~

Greetings!

As unbelievable as it seems to me, this will be the last week of school for many children throughout the county. Can you believe you have completed another school year?  Do you think time is rapidly passing?  Can you see your children quickly running towards adulthood whether you or them are ready to do so or not?

Single parenting and stress goes hand in hand, we know this, so with that awareness always being in the forefront in moments of stolen silence we still marvel in disbelief at how quickly our child is growing up.  I look “up” at my now adult son to this very day and think, “how did this happen so fast?”  In spite of the stresses, financial concerns, and challenges of adolescence I have replayed that question so many times. After all, I remember Kindergarten Round Up like it was yesterday.

I will be flying a little less during these summer months so that I can give more attention to this page and connect with you more often!  That makes me happy!  I will also be working on a new business project of course with the focus being on us, single parents out here trying to have impact.

What plans do you have for your child over the hazy months of summer?  What activities do you have planned for them to keep ahead of academia so when they start school in the fall, which will be here before we know it they won’t be behind?  Lastly but even more important, what plans do you have for you so that you are taking care of yourself physically and mentally, which in turn will help you better care for your family?

Whenever I ask questions please know it’s because I would really like to hear and so would others, so get to typing and share on this page!  That’s why we’re here!

Peace~

Greetings!

Sunday May 13, is designated Mother’s Day in America. In keeping with that, restaurants will be full, floral delivery trucks will be everywhere, and flowers accompanied by cards will once again have their day in the quest for making mothers feel special.

This will be my seventh Mother’s Day without my precious loving mother and somehow it feels like my first. I realize how lucky I was to be born into her arms and as I wrote “Single And ApParent,”, I always saw her beautiful pecan color face.  She was my first teacher introducing me to what a mother really is, not someone who merely conceives and births a child, but rather someone who loved me and my siblings unconditionally. Loved me through her disappointments of choices I may have made in my life. Loved, protected, and nourished me when I was too little to love, protect, and nourish myself.  Loved me enough to carefully provide advice even though silence might have been her answer. I could go on, and on. There are not enough words to describe how much I love and miss her, it’s a profoundly sad void in my life.

The loss of my mother causes me to think of others who no longer have a mom particularly children. So as they are inundated over the presence of Mother’s Day I want to provide a few suggestions in case you know of a child who will have to somehow get through this very day. Here are some ways you can help them.

1.  Listen to them and in doing so affirm their feelings with the realization deep inside they are probably in some degree of pain.
2. Let them know their mom is still with them just in a different way. If we’re lucky enough to ever have had a mother we are never without them.
3. Does the child have any special “keepsakes” of their mother anywhere?  If so and if it’s convenient, talk about some of them allowing the child to handle them and to share any story they might recall around that keepsake.
4. Lastly, let the child know one thing for sure, their mother wants nothing but their happiness, safety, and peace.

Thankfully, my precious son and I spent countless years with my late mom which brings us some degree of peace. How grateful for that we both are for the gift of showing her love by demonstrating how important time with her was to us. I will look at one of her beautiful pictures tomorrow just like I do every day, cling to one of her beautiful scarves which I hold sacred, and give thanks for every time I kissed her precious face in this life.

Let me know how you will recognize your mother or a child without a mother this Mother’s Day.

Peace~

Greetings!

During the past few months several of you have privately reached out to me regarding personal matters and concerns around single parenting.  As a reminder, please know I am always happy to hear from you and if there is a slight delay in my reply it is due to my career in travel. As soon as I’m aware of your outreach know that I am doing my very best to get back to you as soon as I can!

I would like to know what your #1 parenting concern is at this particular time. Let me know here on my blog page so that I can respond the same. There is no doubt others have the same struggle so this way we can collectively help support each other.

Waiting to hear from you!

Peace~

Greetings!

As I talk with parents in various parenting groups I have observed managing the desire to date again poses conflict, the potential for neglect, as well as dangers most single parents are not even aware of.  I want to share with you what I consider to be the top 4 things to consider before you book that date.

1.  Too quick to “get back out there!”  If we are as committed to our responsibility as we should be, we’ll be sitting out many a weekend nights I know I sure did. Our “job” comes first and that “job” is our child, our family.
2. Leaving young adolescents alone at night to babysit themselves as well as their siblings should they have any, which of course in spite of reasoning, is a form of neglect.
3. Introducing your child early on to every single man or woman you date which not only is extremely distasteful, but is also completely against the best interest of the child. Their physical and emotional well being is ours to protect and there is never an acceptable reason to involve children in one’s dating life. There is a time and a place for such introduction should your relationship enhance to a serious level of commitment and not before.
4. Last but not least, grooming a child to call others “mommy or daddy” when in reality the child has absolutely no connection to that person aside from you “dating” them.  Unless that person is the child’s other biological parent such action is in the poorest of taste and once again is completely against the best physical and emotional interest of the child. To do so shows no respect for the child, the other party, and  certainly not yourself.

Solutions to the above?

1. I will quote what my beautiful and intelligent late father said to me when I was married and pregnant, “once you have a child you become old.”  After becoming a single parent spending those countless weekends, months, and sometimes years having a wonderful time with my beautiful son, but without a welcomed social life-I understood the meaning of his powerful words.

2. As long as that person is safe, continue to do everything you reasonably can to have a amicable relationship with your child’s other half. You have heard me say this so many times and I will continue to not only because it’s the right thing to do, not only because that person is their other half, but it also provides everyone involved a mutual break. If the child is spending the weekend or holiday with the other parent the custodial parent can actually plan quality social time. Absolutely everyone wins!

3. Simply take the “Single And ApParent” oath of “Never Ever!.”

4. Repeat the oath above.

Please share any comments or questions you might have about this, and if you are interested in a formal presentation for me to come to speak simply let me know.

Peace~

Greetings!

Does it seem as though the school year is quickly passing?  Here in Michigan most school districts are preparing for what I believe will be the last parent/teacher conference of the year.  Think about it, in a few months summer break will be here!  This is the perfect time for us to talk about the importance of and preparation for parent/teacher conference.

By now it is my hope you have been monitoring your child’s education experience this school year. Who are the “friends” they talk about the most, what are the names of their teachers as well as comments regarding them, any problems or issues your child might have mentioned? Each of these and more should be a part of your “fact gathering” mission in order to provide you with some degree of understanding of how your child’s school year is going thus far.

As an educator and former parent advisory board participant for whatever reasons,  getting parents to attend conferences is sadly an ongoing challenge for most school districts. Even when my son was in school I never fully understood that fact.  In spite of single parenting and a career that consisted of travel, I never missed a conference. How could I miss, my son was too important to me.  His school environment was too important to me, what he was being taught was too important to me, how he was being treated and reflected was too important to me, the mannerism and attitude of his teachers including principal was too important to me, and for his teachers to know I was involved was too important to me. Simply put I was prepared, and I was there.

As you approach what is most likely your child’s last conference of the year, here are some tips to help you prepare.  Grab a small notebook and write down any questions you might have regarding your child’s performance thus far, ask your child if he or she has any questions or concerns regarding their school, classrooms, or their teacher and be specific in your understanding of what their concerns are.  Has your child ever been disciplined at school and if so, what was the situation and were your notified accordingly?  Are there any behavioral concerns?  What is your child being taught particularly regarding history and is it factual?  Is your child reflected in the books you see on the shelves in each classroom?  If not, why not?

You see, the only way you can answer any of these question or have any understanding of your child’s environment is to “be there”.  It’s our duty as a parent to show up regardless of challenges.  I am certain your child’s school will do their part in order to accommodate you regarding flexibility in scheduling, but it’s our part as parents to be there for our children whether we are single or not.

So, send that message to your child’s school as well as to your child that you care, and because you care, you will be there.

Please share any thoughts, concerns, questions, or experiences.  I would love to hear from you!

Peace!