Greetings!

I have clearly missed the holidays and now we’re into another year!

Thank you to every last one of you who messaged me either via inbox or email, with your concerns regarding my whereabouts as well as personal issues you were having. Your outreach means far more than I could ever express to you.

In this journey of life I am realizing with the best of intentions if we are not careful, we can find ourselves in overload. Personal goals, desires, relationships, and other responsibilities are a constant force either pushing or pulling us whether forward or backwards.  If we aren’t careful we can reach a point where that stride we thought was forward was really either backwards or walking in place. This is a proven formula for burnout.

How do we avoid that trap?  A good place to start is to ask yourself just how much is on your plate. The next important step is to look at each item on your plate and determine how it is affecting or will affect your life. For example, once that task is completed will the reward be refreshing to you in a tangible way? Are your relationships feeding you something worthwhile and positive or are they having the opposite affect and draining you?  Are family members showing you concern and love or are they basically non existent in your world as you continue to give of yourself?  Does your place of employment value the unquiness of your talent or do you feel like a component on an assembly line even though you might work in an office setting?

The point is, it is both valuable, necessary, and important to reassess and evaluate ones life as we walk this journey to ensure we are able to “rearrange” our plate and either remove certain things and or make the necessary changes in our lives to avoid burnout. This, is exactly what I did.

Now renewed, feeling just a little bit lighter with more clarity, I am back with you even though to me I never left. Comment here or inbox me to let me know how you are doing. I can’t wait to hear!

Love and Peace~

Greetings!

If your children are small you are in a constant state of motion and the more they grow and older they become the more intense your lifestyle becomes.  Preschool is simply cute, sweet, and along with the inherent stress of single parenthood it’s probably still fun!  Then suddenly there is kindergarten where you find yourself switching gears to adjust to full or half day, how is my child adjusting, transportation to and from, and of course safe and affordable childcare if there is such a thing!

Then there’s middle school which comes of course with its own orientation.  More intensity in learning and homework, are they making good choices in friends, standardize testing, switching classrooms therefore more than one teacher. More afterschool activities particularly sports, greater emphasis on your child’s organizational skills.  Then there’s Middle School consisting of  what I just mentioned and more!

Now you have reached the overall pre-college or pre-tradeschool goal – high school where everything has intensified.  Questions such as affordability of college, accessibility of a good trade school, college  entrance exams, what if your child doesn’t want to continue his or her own education, are they making good choices in friends.  Each of these and more present a picture of what you are or at some time will be juggling as a single parent. Notice the recurring question regarding choices in friends?

Like me, more than likely you are too busy managing these stages to even be aware of what all you are indeed managing.  I therefore present this to you as a reminder of how absolutely amazing you are single mothers and fathers!

Are you tired? Probably. Are you at times exhausted? Probably. Do you sometimes wonder if you can get through it? Probably?  But do you ever entertain “quitting”?  Hopefully not and if you do please seek the mental health support that is available to you and don’t be embarrassed to do so. Your child’s school’s family life educator or social worker can help point you in the right direction or inbox me.

This is merely a “snip it” of your “life cycle” and regardless of how it seems I promise you it is in full motion.  Before you know it you will have surpassed each of these stages and like me, you will find yourself “juggling” in a completely different “empty nest” way. Still juggling all while riding a different kind of beautiful wave.

Let me know how you are doing!

Peace~

Greetings!

Life events can cause us to pause for just a little bit so that we can regain or for me create some kind of balance in our lives. That explains my mini-absence as my forever evolving life takes on a new direction.  More on that to follow!  Just know I am happy to be back with you and I thank those of you who consistently “check” to see if I am still on the radar! I love you for that.

School is now out for summer break, can you believe it?  This milestone always causes me to reflect upon the welcomed yet “needs to be managed change” summer vacation brings. I have written about this previously.  If your child requires childcare you might be wondering where those coins are hidden in your already tight budget.  If your child is of legal age AND responsibile enough to stay home alone you probably feel some degree of guilt and wonder what you can do to ensure they still enjoy their break from school while still learning. Then there is the meal factor which should always be at the forefront, having healthy lunches available they can prepare without the use of a stove. These are just a few of the concerns summer vacation might bring.  Here are a couple of possible solutions:

If your child is of elementary through Junior High age check with your local “Y” to see what type of summer camp programs they are offering and gather specifics as to what that program looks like. If affordability is an issue inquire about scholarships that might be available to you based on your income.

Another possibility is your public library. Most libraries are undergoing a transformation that offers even better programs geared towards families and community support initiatives.  Either way, it is worth the exploration and one of the most important aspects is both the “Y” and library will offer a positive ongoing learning environment for your children.  Thank about it, if a child is surrounded by books what are they most likely to do?

What about your child’s non-custodial parent?  This is one of many reasons why having a healthy ongoing relationship with your child’s “other half” can serve as a “win/win” for everyone. If you have not established a respectful honest relationship with that person I encourage you to do so as long as he or she is safe.  Put spite and anomosity aside, children will grow up and seek the truth.  Reaching out from a place of genuine humaneness is in everyone’s best interest.

Also, don’t forget about grandparents. Many are retired and would love nothing more than to offer their love and support when and however they can.

I hope this helps you somewhat as these hot summer days are upon us!  It will be “Back to School” before you know it-I promise, so enjoy this phase, enjoy these days. I would love to have them back!

Let me know how you are, what your greatest challenge has been or is. I would love to hear from you!

Peace~

Greetings,

Today is what American designates as Mother’s Day. Restaurants will be full, florist will be especially busy while many other Americans will still be running around in search of that vey special present in recognition of their mom.  I thouught to reflect for just a moment to remind you of what is really important for those who have or had a mother who has, or is, simply giving her best and her all in raising her child all without an instruction book as a guide in quest of the “perfect parent” which of course, is a fallacy.

I am approaching the 7th year of the passing of my beloved mom Nellie Hornsby and it still seems like yesterday when she was here with me or I was with her. Upon her leaving this diminsion Mother’s Day has nor will it ever be the same for me. I know I’m not alone, thousands of single parents are grieving the loss of their mom.  It seems as though everywhere I went today I observed Mother’s Day preparation and I found myself wishing I could once again bring my mom flowers, make her dinner or take her out to dinner, pick out that perfect hanging planter for her patio.  Just anything to be able to physically touch her but that won’t happen and I realize it.  So what do I and others like me do?

First, I thank the universe for giving me to her, how lucky and fortunate I was. She was not only an amazing person but the best mother I ever could have had.  Second, I give thanks and honor for every minute I spent with her and how I treated her as my beloved mom. No matter what I am so thankful even when she might have presented herself as somewhat of a stranger during the latter stages of her life never once did I give her anything other than my utmost love and respect.  I give thanks for the special moments I created with her like attending my Kindergarten class reunion to a visit to the old farm where I was raised, to night life at a local popular downtown dance site!  No matter the occassion just for the honor to be in her presence and to let her know how much I loved her, I give thanks today and every day. For all the times I kissed her beautiful and precious soft Ebony face I give honor and thanks today.

You see, it is through our interactions with our parents that we create memories. It is through our interactions with our parents that we learn how to teach our children to love. If those interactions are healthy that is what we pass on to and teach our children. If those interactions are unhealthy and disfunctional that is what we pass on to and teach our children.  It is my hope if your mother is living you are creating and fostering a healthy loving relationship with her because believe me, someday that might be all you have to help you through those special times when you will especially long for the touch of your mom.  For me, that’s everyday.

So, in honor of my mother I will spend my day in quiet mode, thanking the universe for my beautiful and precious son who adored his grandmother, and reminiscing over all of the love she gave to me and my siblings. Your mom is your first love, your first touch, your first kiss, your first protector, the giver of your life. Never abuse that, never neglect that, and never forget that or your will not have the special loving memories that are so important to get you through those special traditions like Mother’s day.

Peace~

Greetings!

When you hear the word depression most people are inclined to have the immediate visual image of an adult, but sadly enough depression is becoming increasingly prevelant in children as young as elementary school.  If parents are not aware or if they do not recognize the signs this decline in mental health can only worsen.

There are several factors that contribute to this health issue. Family dysfunction, the saturation of social media, the lessening of healthy outdoor play, children being restrained from nature, the mental health of parents, peer pressure, unhealthy dietary habits, lack of sleep, academia, and believe it or not much more.

If you notice a change in your child’s behavior such as heightened rebellion, an escalation of anger, failing grades, a desire to sleep beyond what is usual for them, distancing him or herself from family and friends. Each of these behaviors should raise suspicion and serve as an alarm to take notice, have conversation, and reach out to your school’s family life educator or social worker for assistance.  Whatever you do, don’t ignore them.

For more on the topic of children and mental health read “Single And ApParent”. It’s there to support you and serve as a resource reference for all parents.

Comment below, your questions are always welcome and needed. You never know who you might help.

Peace~

Greetings!

Can you believe it is Prom time?  In spite of my inoperable “works when it feels like it” blog page I am amazed that we are once again at this time of year.  Not that long ago I was welcoming you back to the start of another school year, and here we are again, almost at the end.

I thought to take a minute to talk to you about Prom night which often turns out to be either your child’s first date, and/or the fanciest most memorable party honoring their high school experience as they quickly approach the end of their high school years.  Either way, what a special time!

This causes me to reflect upon my senior prom which I attended with a few girlfriends. Because I did not date in high school I never received “the talk” that I hope all children are receiving today even though reasoning tells me differently. What I mean by “the talk” is conversation about drugs, alcohol, dating violence, peer pressure, and sex. You see, regardless of what a parent may want to think teens are talking, listening, experimenting in some ways, and are being “taught or influenced” by their peers.

It is of utmost importance children hear from their parents or guardian regarding these topics. Not only is it important they hear from you whether they tell you or not they NEED to hear from you on these life changing subjects.

Aside from school chaperones prom night is often a first for young men to be able to pick up their date and provide transportation without the presence of an adult. More often than not they will double with a friend. My son did and yes, we had “that talk’ more than once long before prom.

So as you help prepare your son or daughter for that very special evening make certain appropriate conduct, manners, and safety is a part of that foundation. Either way, they will remember that night forever.

For more on the importance of dating safety and respect, grab your copy of “Single And ApParent” available at all major bookstores as well as Amazon.com .

Peace~

Hello Everyone,

Although my career is in travel I am always attempting to reach out to you on my blog page the first chance I get on the ground. Sometime it’s doable however, if I’m out of the country there will always be a delay.  That I can manage, however, when my blog page is consistently inaccessable due to technical problems is personally an unacceptable level of tolerance for me. Considering, please follow me on Facebook to stay apprised of any changes should you notice my blog absence beyond 7 days.  Thanks!

Peace~

Greetings!

Is it really spring break already?  Where is this school year going, and do you realize in just a few short months summer vacation will be here?  You see, this is why I say both in my book, on my Facebook page as well as here to savor these years and this time with your child regardless of age or grade. They are growing up so very fast right before your eyes and when they graduate and leave home for college, you will painfully miss them in spite of the trials you may have had. Believe me I know because I am there.

Ok, I thought to share a little insight regarding spring break recalling even though I had to work I wanted my son to feel something special about that much anticipated break in routine. Now, being on what I refer to as a “perpetual budget” cost was always a factor so I explored in advance what some possible affordable fun options might be. Here are a few ideas to consider:

1. Contact your local YMCA or YWCA to inquire about Spring Break Camp. Both organizations always had fun filled activities for kids based on grade level and the programs were well planned offering a variety of age appropriate choices for kids.
2. Your local library is a gem offering daytime and evening activities for students.
3. Your local children’s museum is also a resource that may offer free or affordable daily activities.
4. Your local skating rinks both roller and ice may surprise you with pre-planned activities.

Utilize these resources and when you inquire make certain to ask them if they know of other organizations in your town offering low cost quality spring break activities. My hunch is they will but you won’t know if you don’t ask. Keep in mind these organizations charge a minimal fee based amount for their programs.

Finally, whatever your child does during this break make certain daily reading is a part of it. Not only is reading exercise for their mind but it will also aid in teaching your child relaxation most especially in the absence of homework. If your child doesn’t have a favorite book by now they most certainly should. So make it a point to spend some quiet time at your local library or bookstore.

Let me know how you plan on spending spring break, we’d love to hear!

Peace~

Greetings!

It is no secret social media is one of the most important consumptions of our daily lives second maybe only to chocolate!  Personally for me I consider myself a social media minimalist and were it not for the opportunity it affords me to reach out to single parents around the world, I can honesty say I would probably not at all be a regular user. Although its advantages are many it also comes with some dangerous liabilities. Let’s talk for a moment about that.

I want to share a few of the most popular “apps” out here today that although you might be unfamiliar with, your child might very well be and that is a situation you want to avoid.  For now I will briefly introduce you to one which is Blendr.

This is an app designed for adults to flirt, chat, and meet.  However, it is said to be one of the most popular apps for teenagers.

Were you aware of this app?  When was the last time you checked your child’s phone to see what apps they actually have?

I will update you next on similar apps you need to know about.  Please share this information as well as any questions or comments you have here. Your interaction is both welcome and needed.

It’s so great to be back with you!

Peace~

Hi Everyone!

First, let me say how very much I have missed the inability to correspond with you and share information with you on my blog page. As you are aware I have had ongoing problems accessing my blog pretty much since it has been in existence and just when I think all is resolved the system says otherwise by my inability to get to you. This has frustrated me beyond what you might imagine. I am simply so glad to be back with you and I hope my followers have “held on” in anticipation of my return. It is my hope these technical probems are a thing of the past, however should you ever notice what I would consider excessive gaps  in my correspondences with you a week or more, please visit my Facebook page where in keeping with the past I will always let you know if my blog is down.  I am so appreciative to have Facebook.

My amazing career in travel takes me out of the country at least a few times each month and although I love what I do it prevents me from communicating with you on this page on a daily basis, further adding to my frusturation when it is not accessible.  We’re back together, and that makes me happy!

Some of my future topics pertain to your questions and results from my single parent survey, updates on recent evidence based reporting on adolescence, current popular and dangerous child trends, and many other concerns pertaining to parenthood.  So, I need you to share this information and invite others to join us.  Stay tuned this week for much, much more to come!

We were last together at the beginning of winter and I hope you are doing well as we welcome in Spring!

Peace~