A Father’s Love

One of the most difficult decisions I have made in my life was the decision to divorce with a young child.  As I reflect back I have an even deeper understanding of the soul searching, not to mention the courage it took.  Regardless of the differences that contributed to the dissolution of my marriage, my former husband is still our son’s father.  Committed to this awareness, it was important to me to not lose sight of that very important fact, and I made a personal commitment to ensure I would do all I reasonably could to make certain our son had the love of his father in his life.  To have done anything less I would have become the architect of a barrier I would never have wanted to live with.

Reflecting back over that time in my life has caused me to understand why this was so important to me. I realized it was never about me, it was about our son and I knew I owed him that.  You see, whether a child grows up within the confines of a unhappy and combative two parent home (and many do), or a healthy single parent home the child can only be a victim of those circumstances because the formulation of that environment was not their’s. So, as I discuss in “Single AndApParent“, it is my belief parents owe their children, and a part of that debt is a positive relationship with their other half IF at all possible and IF that person is safe.

Self reflection of the importance of this to me goes back to the first male love I ever and forever will have, the first male protector and teacher, and male role model to this very day as to what a man truly is, and that is my late father.  His strength, character, wisdom, depth of love, commitment, and so many other positive and healthy attributes are etched within the very fiber of who I am and what constitutes a true man to me to this very day.  Was he perfect?  Of course not, but that was never my role to discern as I can only look through a child’s eyes even though I am an adult.  But where he was perfect in my eyes was his love as a father and influence in my life as a result of that.  For the most part I have to honestly say the “poor guys I’ve dated”,  as my dad set the bar very high!

My adult conversations with him encompassed mostly everything including “who not to date, what not to date, and even intimacy.” I was extremely close to both of my precious parents, and  I am forever thankful to have had such a healthy father/daughter relationship.

Unfortunately for me and my son, my dad passed on to the next dimension several years ago, and the void is still almost unbearable at times.  I guess it’ll always be this way.

Tomorrow is designated as Father’s Day and I will for certain be fighting my feelings of sadness in the pain of not having him here in the manner in which I became accustomed to. Fathers have purpose and they give a child a greater sense of themselves.

As I write this it is not with the absence of knowledge of broken and bitter relationships with a child’s father. As I’ve previously said as a single mother it is not always easy to build that bridge, but it can be done. I am proof it can be done.

As long as he is a safe person regardless of the wedge between you, reach out to him and keep reaching out to bridge that gap.  If a father is not as involved as society thinks he should is it really because he chooses not to be, or could there be circumstances beyond his control which makes it difficult for him to fully demonstrate what is in his heart?  And don’t forget the importance of honest self-reflection as to how you  may have knowingly or otherwise, contributed to those circumstances.  There is no substitute for that degree of honest self-reflection.

Whomever the positive father figure is in your child’s life, I hope his day will be extra special on Father’s Day as he deserves that.

If you and your child’s father are not quite there as I have previously said, take the “higher road.”Allow him to spend time with your child if you can, there’s not a man out there who is not going to contribute to the welfare of  a child they love so work it out between the two of you.  It might take a little time but I promise you it can be done and it will be worth it.

I am thankful my son will be spending Father’s Day with his dad after all, he’s his other half.  It will be worth it.

Please share any thoughts, questions, and what your plans are for Father’s Day~

Peace.